I got a D in photography one year in High School.
I failed my Freshman English class in college. (It didn’t help that I slept in the morning of the final. But still.)
I was rejected from being in the National Honor Society one year in High School because some anonymous person decided to report to the principal that I cheated on a test.
Why am I sharing this with you?
As human beings, sometimes we think that other people’s marks about us define who we are. We know better. But sometimes we need to be reminded. Your grades don’t define you. Your review at work does not define you. What someone else thinks about your parenting style or political view or haircut does not define you.
Your thoughts define you. Your actions define you. How you treat your spouse and your children? Of course this defines you. How you treat a stranger also defines you. How you handle adversity defines you. What we do with our spare time, how we serve others, the choices we make … these are all things that define us.
So the next time someone belittles, criticizes, labels, or falsely accuses you, sure — stand up for yourself if necessary. But resist the urge to spend too much energy fighting or defending or criticizing back. Instead, look inward. Look at your core. You know who you are. You know what you’re about. If you question your worth, don’t. Not for one second. Get on your knees and pray to a loving Heavenly Father who knows you and loves you unconditionally. He will remind you how awesome you are. And if you humbly and sincerely ask, He’ll even let you know what you can do to be even better.
That D in Photography? Well, you know what photography means to me. Documenting life is part of my core. Picture-taking is a part of my everyday. Literally.
That Freshman English class? I took it again. I got an A. Then I spent 12 years writing for Creating Keepsakes magazine. I published 9 books. I write for my family and for you — daily. Writing is another way of documenting life.
Cheating on a test? I will swear to my dying day that I didn’t cheat. In fact, I was so sick and tired of all the cheating that was going un-noticed in my classes. The fact that someone decided to take my opinion about that, flip it around, and create a lie? Well, of course it really ate me up at first. It didn’t matter what I told the principal. He sided with the other person.
But in the end, I didn’t care. I cared about my core. I cared that I was honest. I cared to move on with my life and hold my head high. I cared about being even more committed than ever to live a life that was honest. Integrity is everything.
…..
I am grateful again and again for nurturing parents who helped me understand principles like this. Oh and thank you Dad, for always being interested in capturing the everyday. Having a picture of myself as a teenager in an oversized t-shirt, working on homework at the dining room table with a glass of milk beside me? Priceless.
Tags: character, honesty, integrity, judgement, labels, values, worth
Beautifully said! Thank you for your inspiration.
What an absolutely lovely post! I whole heartedly agree and feel such truth in your words Becky! Thanks so much for sharing and for this amazing reminder to us about believing we are who we truly are no matter what!
This is so true, but very easily forgotten. I do very often. I should print out your tekst en put it on my mirror
Thanks for sharing!
Becky…this post is so meaningful to me right now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
absolutely wonderful
I was always told I was not “good enough” at math by every teacher until the end of 8th grade when one teacher believed in me. … well, I later became a Civil Engineer. Math and science has always been a favorite of mine. always. … guess I just wasn’t good enough at the memorization of all those fancy names they loved to test me on in math class 
Absolutely love this post! I think I will print it out and read it often. Very well written, considering you failed English!
Thank you for this story. I HAVE to share it with my husband. I have my degree already and my dear husband is a sophmore for undergrad. We still have a possible PHD to get to and in the meantime, my husband easily gets bummed down about a random bad grade in his college career. That doesn’t define him. The priesthood holder in him is better than a “D” in whatever.
Beautiful post! I’ll be linking back to you (again) from my blog — beingperfectlyhonest.blogspot.com.
Thanks for sharing this very important truth. It is so good to reminded of what defines us and that we should never get caught up in overly defending ourselves or worse criticizing back…Love the picture of you as a teenager, btw! You are so pretty and still are!
Beautifully stated! I really needed this today. Thank you.
Thanks, I needed to hear this today.
Why is this so easily forgotten? Too often, we let others define us. Too often, we define others. Enough! Thank you for the reminder.
Once again your words come at the perfect time. Three years after graduating from college with my Bachelor’s in Business I am still struggling to find a career. I have floated from temp position to temp position while many of my friends have landed great careers and gotten promotions already. It is very difficult not to be discouraged or think that I am not good enough. So thank you for your reminder that I am.
Many thanks,
Serenity
Love this post! Thanks for sharing it!
Amen Sista!!! Thanks for the thoughts!:)
We all have “failed English”. Great post!
great post! So true. My whole life became totally different when I suddenly realized I should be who I wanted to be, not who people saw me/define me as. Every once in a while a reminder is still needed though!
(I was once accused by a teacher of plaigerism… not because she could produce some evidence that I had copied my work from elsewhere, but because what I had handed in was intelligent and well-written and she just didn’t think that I was capable of that. Words cannot express how that made me feel. I got the grade back when I pulled in my English teacher to vouch for me, I apparently have a fairly distinct writing style and aside from that he had a lot more faith in my level of intelligence than this particular teacher did. But I will never forget how it felt to be accused of being too stupid to have written something that I wrote.)
thanks for posting this! This just recently happened to my daughter. It wasn’t the fact that she got a zero on the assignment that hurt her… it was the fact that someone questioned her integrity. She was so broken up about it (and so was I). It has been a hard row to hoe. I’m hoping she will look back at it with a positive heart (as you and Becky have done) and not something that broke her.
Wow! You still look exactly the same! Oh yeah, excellent post too!
Beautiful. Both the post and the photograph. And Thank You. You’ve made me realise that I need to look at MY core; define who I am; and rise above any criticism. Great reminder. Great post.
Thank you Becky! I couldn’t agree with you more. But today is a HARD day, and this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Wiping away a tear…
Such a good reminder to all parents & teachers, too! Too many of us have childhood memories like yours, and the last thing I want my girls to say is, “My mom always told me that I could never do such-and-such because I was so such-and-such.” It also reminds me of when I was teaching 3rd grade…one year I had a boy who was especially adept at pushing my buttons. After every break (recess, lunch, specialist), I’d mentally regroup myself and press my “start over” button. I couldn’t let the whole day pile up on me – or on him – like that. Of course, he experienced consequences (daily!) but I tried so hard to keep his actions separate from who he was. Too many kids get labeled, “You’re a troublemaker” instead of, “The choices you are making are causing a problem for you/the class.” Anyway, at the end of the year, the kids were asked by the PTA to fill in the blank… “I like my teacher _____ because __________” and he wrote, “I like Mrs. Robison because she is always so happy to see me.” That was a GREAT moment for me. Aside from feeling like I should win an Academy Award, I had made it thru that year with our teacher/student relationship intact, and with a 9 yr old boy who still loved coming to school and learning.
That brought tears to my eyes.
What a great story! Thanks for sharing!
From the mom of a button pusher, bless you.
you are awesome…nuff said!
I could say so many things…but really the only words (with tears in my eyes) are THANK YOU. I know I am a worthy person and my Heavenly Father loves me…and I love that I am blessed with people in my life….either that know me for me or just people like you that are so inpirsational, that remind me to focus on that. Project life has really made me feel better about me, the mom who makes mistakes, failed the writing test for collage that made me take basic writing, a poor students in the schools eyes to a teacher that has been able to see children learn to read and understand and grow….into adults and inspire me to keep teaching and loving my family and documenting my life because I matter….Thank you Becky
This is a new quote for me. Just found it on Facebook. Oprah Winfrey says, “You really can change, your reality is based on the way you think.” I am 71 years old and still working on myself…for the better.
If you have the Oprah channel, watch the Master Class with the one with Oprah herself. She had many great quotes in that episode!
Oh dear Becky, I can’t say THANK YOU enough! What a great post. This is the reason I stop by your blog everyday!!! I so need this inspiration, these words of hope – the reminders!!
Our family just struggles with all of this! So much negativity in this world. So many harse things said. I keep telling my kids – I don’t care how other people talk or behave – we are BETTER than that. It may not seem like it now – but someday – it will matter!
Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!!!
Thank you for sharing this. I believe all that you said and yet I find myself at times questioning myself based on what others believe. I needed this reminder.
Thanks so much for sharing that…I needed that and it was right one time!
What a wonderful post! Why is it we need to be reminded of this so often?!
Sorry… “on time”. Thanks again!
Fantastic Becky! I let one college professor kill my dreams. His words ‘Ms. (insert incorrectly pronounced last maiden name here) you haven’t a creative bone in your body. You should stick to the part of this career that lets you get cozy with the calculator’….
Every time I decorate a room in my home, coordinate an outfit, make something from paper, take a decent picture and it looks GOOD and feels right, his words replay in my head…and instead of crying, I laugh.
I did take the math related path in the career I’d chosen, and guess what? After two years of doing pretty well at it, I hated my job. I’ve rarely been fulfilled in a career since, so I stopped trying and found my path being a mom and wife and the caretaker of my home and THAT is God’s plan for me. And what gives me great internal warm fuzzies is being creative in my life in various forms.
We are not defined by the degree on the wall, the letters after our names, the number on the scale, the car we drive (although I think my Jeep suits me! haha), or any of that ‘STUFF’ other people measure people against…we are defined by the people we touch and how we do that.
Blessings Becky for posting this and many many blessings to all who YOU touch.
I <3 this post! Thank you.
how sweet your dad thought to take that shot!
teens are hard to take pix of and it’s cute to see a real life moment!
I was going to say, cheating, that doesn’t at ALL like you!
xoxo
tara
Amazingly well said!
I was just talking to my husband about integrity and honesty. See he just got let go at his job and he is in a little bit of a funk. His boss through him under the bus when it came to the budgets and because my husband was honest with the budgets, well needless to say his boss let him go. I told my husband don’t worry about it because at least you would not lie or twist anything and that you are a great man and all that matters is that we love him and he kept his integrity and morals in tact no matter what and that his family is proud of him.
Thanks Becky for that post, I really appreciate it.
Felicia, congrats to your husband for standing for truth and right…and to you for supporting him! Yeah!!!
Becky, your words meant so much to me today. My boyfriend dumped me a few weeks ago and made me feel like dirt, all the time he just wanted someone younger. Your thoughtful words reminded me that I am not a failure; the relationship failed, and there’s a difference. Thank you. I really needed those words of encouragement. You have lifted my spirit!
when I saw this photo Becky, I thought wow, how great would it be to have a photo like this of my school days…PRICELESS is definitely the word Becky…
Becky, thank you for posting this. I needed to be reminded today. It’s been a bad day. I try to live by this, but it’s so easy to get torn down and let it consume you. THANK YOU
Wow, beautifully said. When I was in 8th grade I took a standardized math test and for some reason didn’t think it mattered too much so I didn’t put much effort into it. It resulted in me having to take a tutored math class the following year. My math tutor knew I wanted to go into the field of finance and he told me I would never make it. I am now a sr. accountant. When I received my BA in Finance I wanted to mail him a copy of my diploma! So glad I didn’t let what that tutor said define me!
I’ve been crying off an on all day today. This post was a God breeze. Know what that is? It’s when God breezes into your day from an unexpected direction and let’s you know what He wants you to hear.
Thank you for being one of God’s servants today. I appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing those thoughts. It was like the message was directed to me and it was just what I needed. Blessings!
You are absolutely right, what others think does not define you, but does hurt. This reminds me of when I was in 5th or 6th grade, I wore glasses, a brother and sister would tease me every time we crossed paths as I walked home from school. They would walk on the opposite sidewalk laugh at me and call me four-eyes and other names, this went on for the whole school year. They made me feel dumb, ugly, weak, fearful. Then one day I was walking home, as usual, I saw them coming, but this time they didn’t say anything to me, when I looked up the boy just looked at me in silence, his sister did not look at me because her head was down, do you know why??? Yes, she was wearing glasses!!! I could have taken this moment to say something to them or laugh at her, but all I did was smile as I walked by, not because I was happy she was wearing glasses but because I knew that I didn’t have to dread walking into them anymore.
I never told anyone what was going on, didn’t know I was being bullied at the time, until a couple of years ago, when my oldest was about to enter middle school. I did not want him to feel fear, pressure or be bullied in any way and not tell anyone. I never stood up for myself when I went through this, all I did was put up with, and no one should feel this way. I have always told him to speak his mind, in a respectful manner of course, he can disagree with someone but always be truthful and never feel bad about his beliefs, morals or integrity.
I hope someone didn’t say something rotten to you, bringing about this post. But either, way, thanks. I have a son with a disorder that makes him say the most rotten things to those close to him. He is on the attack from sun-up to sun-down. He gave me a real zinger last week that has stuck with me and reading your post helped a little, so again thanks. Heavenly Father does help us mostly through others when we are open to listening…..
I truly needed this today. I have at times let others opinion of me affect how I feel about myself. Now I am thinking that maybe they don’t really know me or want to take the time. So sad really. Thanks for this – step forward, don’t look back and breathe. Thanks Becky.
Thanks Becky for sharing. This was so timely for me. God is so amazing that He spoke to me through you.
Amazing post. And something to always remember. I’ve struggles with this myself recently, and have wasted three months fretting about it, be hurt, frustrated, resisting the urge to fight back. But I don’t need to. I know who I am. Those closest to me know who I am and what I’m about. That’s all I should really care about it.
xox0
Thanks Becky. So very much.
~Tosha
Becky,
thank you so much for the reminder that we all know who we truly are, down to the core. Life and other things get in the way of seeing that sometimes. One of my all time favorite quotes is from Winston Churchill who says “when you’re going through hell, keep going.” We all have our own personal hells that we battle with from time to time and your post speaks so much to this and how to stay true to who we really are, thank you, truly.
beautifully said. thank you so much for sharing. i needed this today.
That was so inspiring. I needed that. Thank you.
A teacher once said that I wasn’t a leader and that I would be a follower my whole life. I took that statement and made it the exact opposite. I have been a leader in my career and anything I take part in. I love that someone said that about me, because changing that perception about me became my core; motivated me to prove that awful teacher wrong. (And she was awful. Anyone that says that about an 11 yr old shouldnt be a teacher…but I’ve loved thinking about her throughout the years and thinking….oh…if she could see me now!)
Great post….:) Thanks…..
love your honest thoughts. love that pic, too;)
What a great post! You inspire in so many different ways. And I’ll add, the first thing I thought when I saw this picture was, “Wow, look how much Porter resembles his Mom!” Great photo!!
Never, in all the years, have I commented on your posts (and I’ve enjoyed all of them), but this post, today, resonated in profound way. Thank you for being open and sharing something that needed to said and most importantly, heard.
God Bless, Becky.
Ahh, the oversized t-shirt!! Such a sign of 90′s “style”. I bet you rolled your jeans too. What about the teased poof with a bottle of aerosol hairspray? And those goofy friendship necklaces you gave to your bff for the five minutes you were friends…then gave it to someone else when you had a falling out. Ooh, and spandex UNDER shorts!!! Ahhh…memories…at the corner of my mind… (sing it with me, 90′s girls!!!!)
Hooray Becky – just the message that I (and the world?) needs today – thank you!
Integrity is everything. Amen to that. Blessings Becky!
Man did this post hit home for me. I will be sharing this with my children. In one way or another we deal/handle situations like this. And those critizing ones in the world can really REALLY bring you down. Just had a conversation with my son yesterday about this kind of thing. And it really does bring him down. I will most definately have him read this post. He will think I am a silly Mom BUT he will read and will gain some perspective I am sure. You know the old saying …always comes better from someone else beside Mom. So thank you Becky for this post. Oh SO important. Have a lovely day…and always look forward to all your yummy posts. Regardless if its our POTD posts, decor, scrapbooking, or this wonderful life lessons kinda sort of thing. Thank you:)
I come to this site for many reasons. Thank you for including encouragement. I love how you share such truthful words.
Looking at the picture of you Becky from English – - did you ever think you’d be so successful in life at that time???? Hmmmm what a great story that could be!
Thanks for sharing yourself with us Becky. You provide so much in so many ways to so many. We are blessed to live in a world where you, from your home, can provide laughs, inspiration, guidence, and the feeling that we are close friends to all of us 1 mile to 1000s of miles away.
Love “you are not defined by what someone thinks about you.” Thanks for the reminder!
So many times, I’ve let what others think define me or my thinking.
Many thanks.
I am grateful for your blog as I have learned numerous things from you! I read this post early this morning as it has been on my mind since. I am thinking if you did let that grade define you how would you be today. I don’t like a grading system at all because it isn’t a true reflection of what you really know. I’ve gotten A’s in graduate school where I really didn’t learn anything….did that make me “better”?…..no! It is an unfair world in the have and have nots. This will be with me a while and I thank you for taking the time to share!
Becky, you put so much goodness out into the world. I sincerely hope your post wasn’t prompted by someone’s negativity. I am always amazed at the hate some people spread through technology and wish there were a way to block those people from sending rude, hateful messages.
Your post is beautifully written. Thank you for all you do.
Well said! It’s so easy to forget who we are in THIS world. So many people (including me) need to be reminded of this. Thank you for using your influence for good.
Ondrea
Hi Becky,
Your blog today was so timely for me that I needed to send a comment to thank you. I love in Canada and my oldest daughter is hundreds of miles away from home attending college in south Texas. She has been dealing with some pretty intense struggles that stem from the labels that others have chosen for her. It has been very difficult for her and heartbreaking for me. When I read your blog today I forwarded it on to her, I knew that your words and advice could help provide some comfort and motivation to her right now. So thank you, thank you for being the kind of person who’s words and actions define who YOU ARE!!
Thank you for sharing this sometime I think we just need to be reminded
I love this.
BEST BLOG ENTRY – EVER! thanks so much
This whole post reminds me of a story that I love to read to my kids. It’s by Max Lucado, and is called “You are special”. Wonderful story, if you don’t have it, I highly recommend it. Great post. We all need to remember this…
I love this post. It is so true.
What a great, touching post! Thanks…
~alicia
proof-of-love.blogspot.com
THANKS SO MUCH for this post!
I have an “issue” right now going on and now I’m gonna move on!
Thanks becky!
What a timely post. It is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today. Thank You!
Your post reminds me of one of my favorite writings of all time.
LIFE
Life isn’t about keeping score…
It’s not about how many friends you have. Or how many people call you. Or how accepted or unaccepted you are. Not about if you have plans this weekend. Or if you’re alone. It isn’t about who you’re dating, who you use to date, how many people you’ve dated, or if you haven’t been with anyone at all. It isn’t about who you have kissed. It’s not about sex. It isn’t about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where you’re sent to school.
It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It’s not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, brown, or green. Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It’s not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. Or what clubs you’re in, or how good you are at “your” sport. It’s not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will “accept the written you”.
But life IS about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It’s about keeping or betraying trust. It’s about friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It’s about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It’s about who you’ve ignored with full control and intention. It’s about jealousy, fear, pain, ignorance, and revenge. It’s about carrying inner love, or hate, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch, or poison, other people’s hearts in such a way that could never have occurred alone.
Only YOU choose the way these hearts are affected and THOSE choices are what life is all about.
Amen to that!
Wow. The comments tell quite a story about life in the trenches!
I hope to share this with my students. They tend to think that one bad experience marks them for life.
Really amazing message. Thank you!
Becky, thank you for this post! I have been dealing with a pressing deadline at work so was a little behind in reading your blog, but so glad I’m catching up and read this. I have been dealing with a family member who has been holding a grudge against me for several months now over a perceived slight that was completely unintentional. For a long time I’ve been beating myself up about it and trying to figure out what I could have done differently. Over time I came to realize that yes, I could have done things differently, but that the problem is the other person’s perception and baggage, not the person I know I am. Your post just supports what I’ve come to realize. Thank you for once again sharing your story and helping make the world a better place, and us better people!
It is amazing how I have not visited your blog in a long time due to life/time constraints and came upon this recent post. I am in the midst of a personal situation that has taken place at my place of employment. In a nutshell, I spoke to three employees underneath me about concerns and reminded them of policy/procedures. Two of them proceeded to bypass chain of command and went to the “top” and stated some damaging accusations against my character. A further investigation is taking place, and we will see what transpires. I am able to hold my head high knowing that I did and have not done anything inappropriate, but that does not make the anxiety and stress level any less knowing that a career can be ruined because of two people. Thank you for sharing such a personal story Becky!
Thank you for sharing such personal & intimate thoughts. I agree wholeheartedly with the things that you wrote. These are the words I have been sharing with a few teenagers in my life that I have been trying to help them work through things. I will be sending the link to your blog to the one who has internet & perhaps printing it out for the other one. Powerful words here Becky! Very powerful.
Beautiful!!!
Thank You!!!
God Bless You!!!
obesimed kullananlar…
[...]I failed English. « Becky's Blog[...]…