It’s my tag line. It’s the meaning behind the products we create. It’s also one of my core philosophies in life. And it’s how I hope to inspire you. In fact, this very simple phrase sums up the foundation of why I even have a blog.
To cultivate a good life means a million different things. That’s why nearly every day I share one specific thought to ponder – and hopefully implement – as we each strive to cultivate a good life (I share these little notes on facebook + twitter). But today I feel the need to elaborate in a way that 140 characters doesn’t allow.
I watched and listened to a remarkable talk on Saturday. The speaker was Dieter F. Uchtdorf. Some of you know him, many of you do not. But his message – clear as day and incredibly poignant – is for every woman I know. I have been thinking about some stuff recently and his talk was the icing on my cake of thoughts. I just wanted to share what’s been on my mind, some of which came from listening to his talk. Someone needs this today – probably a lot of somebodies.
Please, please, please don’t compare yourself to others. Many of you are just too hard on yourself when you feel like you’re not measuring up. Your best friend is prettier. Your sister has the perfect marriage. Your co-worker is more skilled. Your neighbor is thinner. Your sister-in-law is more organized. That woman you see nearly every day in passing is just so put together and always looks amazing (and chances are, you’ve put off even saying hi or introducing yourself, just based on her looks).
I lovingly say – Enough!
Part of cultivating a good life is being grateful for your life. Celebrate your successes – especially the little, everyday successes. Certainly you can and should look to others for upliftment and inspiration and ideas and ways that help you improve. That’s all good + healthy + exactly how we can bless each others’ lives. But when you look at others in a way that make you feel like your life is sub-standard? Well, that’s just detrimental. You know what a lot – a LOT – of women do? We compare our weaknesses to someone elses strengths. I’ve done it. You’ve done it.
Um – hello? Is this fair? Does this make any sense at all? No wonder men think we’re complicated!
Stop punishing yourself. When you do this, you are stopping your progression. You have your happiness in a holding pattern. It’s so unfair to you, and in fact – it’s unfair to the people you love most, and who love you most. Whether or not you think it affects you … it does. It affects your self-worth and your confidence. And when these things slip, your most treasured relationships can be affected.
Here’s the truth. We all have trials. We all have insecurities. We all have a million weaknesses. While it’s tempting to look at someone else and think “they’ve got it all” or “they’re life is so perfect” … you’re forgetting that they’re human. You’re forgetting that they have things going on in their life that you don’t have a clue about. Heartache, loss, pain, burdens, fears, health issues, emotional concerns, family struggles. I assure you – their life is not perfect.
Be gentle with yourself. And be gentle with others. Do not be so quick to judge. Do be open-minded about what you can learn from other women. Do not be fooled into thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Do look at how blessed your life is – even with the challenges you’re facing.
You are remarkable. You undoubtedly are aware of areas in which you feel less than remarkable. Perhaps you yell at your kids too much or you don’t give your husband enough attention or you hold grudges or you’re a gossip or you’re not taking care of your body like you should or you’re not a good homemaker or you don’t volunteer enough or … Okay, obviously we all probably feel like the list is long.
Again, I lovingly say – Enough!
Take one weakness and work on it this week. Don’t complain about it. Don’t dwell on it. Just take action to MAKE A CHANGE. Today.
……….
By the way … This will brighten someone’s day: Congratulations to Tami L. in Trabuco Canyon, California! Out of over 1,500 entries you were randomly selected to receive all that STUFF from The Creative Connection! Email customerservice@beckyhiggins.com with your shipping address and we’ll get that out to you this week!
Thank you Becky, I need to read this every day. Congrats to Tami too!
Thank you from me too Becky – today has been one of those struggle days for me, so reading this tonight was perfect timing for me. Thank you for everything you do.
Im going to print this post and put it in project life, a reminder to look back on
How did you know I needed this today?
I too need to read this every day, but today seemed to be especially bad. Thank you Becky. Jude.x
Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I have been working really hard on this myself. I just finished One Thousand Gifts which I am also working really hard on. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the “little things” and not appreciate the blessings that we have in our own life.
I just have one thing to say about this post…..Thank you.
Thank you for this wonderful post!
You have a wonderful heart, thankyou for sharing. Damn right we are good enough x
That talk was inspirational, bold, and for everyone. Thanks for sharing. Remember when he said to use media to share the things you love and believe? When was that, April? I believe you are doing that.
Thank you!!! I so needed those words of encouragement!
Thank you Becky. Your post brought tears to my eyes because that has been the way I have been feeling for a really long time. I haven’t been feeling like I am good enough for many reasons and your post has made me feel better. I have 3 great boys in my life who need their Mama to be happy. Today I resolve to MAKE A CHANGE.
I had to DVR it on BYUTV…must go watch…but your post, way to make me cry. It is so pathetic of us. Cause we ALL feel just like this everyday. And yet we do think each other is so much more put together than the rest of us. Thanks for helping us by sharing your strengths, so that some of our weaknesses can become strong. Well said.
Just what I needed to hear. I seem to be stuck and I am so truly blessed. Gotta get my head on and realize I am ok.
Well said Becky! Thank you.
I need to print this out and read it EVERY DAY. Thank you so much. EXACTLY what I needed this morning!
I needed this today. You have no idea who I am or anything about me but you knew that I needed this. Thank you.
All I can say is Thank you!!
Jenetta
Thank you! You words are exactly what have been on my heart and mind lately.
Thank you for this much needed reminder, Becky!! Thank you for being such an amazing inspiration to so many… we appreciate you!!!
Becky,
)
I watched the conference last saturday at our stake center ( Lenexa Stake, Kansas ) and definitely is a talk that ALL OF US need… Thanks so much for your post today, i’ve been ” comparing ” myself with others all my life. There are many things that i have to improve in my life, but NEVER is too late !!!
Have a wonderful day, and enjoy life
Karina
Thank you for this post. Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. It seems so many of us feel this way. The last 24 hours have been worse than usual for me but your post has helped me. Thank you.
Thank you Becky! I really needed to hear (read) this today!!
Thank you, Becky, for sharing President Ucthdorf’s message with all women. I was able to be in the conference center with more than 20,000 other women and the tears flowed freely during his message. He is an inspired leader who has a way of reaching out to women and young women and hitting us right in the heart. Maybe sometime you could share his talk about creating and his talk to the young women about their happily ever after. You are an amazing force for good in our world today.
Even after hearing the talk on Saturday, it was a needed reminder this morning as I try to juggle the demands of everyday life. Thank you again for reminding us/me to be grateful and celebrate who I am today while still seeking to improve.
Becky… I must thank you for sharing this with us. The timing was wonderful…a pick me up that was well needed. I have been struggling with some self-worth and success lately, and after reading this, it really hit me…..I need to get motivated and believe in myself again. I know I can be successful and complete again…just needed something to stand in front of me and force me to get going. This post really did that for me. I am going to print it and read it whenever I need that motivation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Many thanks,
Samantha
Amen.
Thanks Becky, I so needed this right now at this moment. You are such a good motivator, this small message about brought me to tears. Good tears though – realizing (remembering) my own life is great, why look at others. I will be keeping this with me whenever I need a little boost. I cannot wait to start my first project life book!!!
So important! Thank you!
Wow … “we compare our weaknesses with someone else’s strengths” … that is SO true, but I never realized it until reading it here! That is one of the most perceptive things I’ve ever heard. Thanks!
Thank you, I go to your blog often just for this type of inspiration. Thank you for being so selfless to all of us and sharing.
Michele L.
agreed 100%
thanks Becky! Thumbs up to you!
Perfect timing Becky!! I love the line about comparing our weaknesses to others’ strengths. Duh! I was beating myself up all weekend because I ran in my first race ever (a half marathon) and didn’t get the time I wanted. Now I say, who cares?! I finished strong and on my feet. So what if speed is not my strength! Thanks for the gentle reminder! You are the best!!
Thank you for the reminder today.
Really we should only look to how God sees us and then we are beautiful in all ways….It is so important to remember in our society (is so focused on the outer and getting ahead) to be thankful for what we do have, and be thankful for our strengths, to have the right balance between appreciating our strengths and our weaknesses. Without our weaknesses we wouldn’t need others to depend on, God, our mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, friends etc. Our weaknesses when we have the right balance of improving ourselves and also asking for help when we need it; they make us stronger and more beautiful, they keep us grounded in our lives and also in our faith.
Good reminder today, so thank you, it helps to keep it all in perspective!
I should have read your blog earlier today…I have spent most of my day going over all my weaknesses and focusing on what is not going well in my life (which is just about everything). But I do have many blessings in my life that need my focus too. Thanks for this reminder!! It is amazing how powerful our thoughts are and how they can really turn your day around. Here’s to positive thoughts!!
Wow. I’m one that needed to read that. THANK YOU. SO MUCH.
preach it girl! good stuff!
Love this! And I have to add – If we were ALL beautiful, thin, organized, geniuses, etc. how boring would that be? AND there would be no room for improvement! Life is a journey with good and bad, hills and valleys, and we should treat it as such.
A big heart felt thank you…I needed this today!
In tears here. Taking a breath and taking stock. Thank you.
Thank you Becky.
That was inspiring. I think this recording thing is something we all strive to achieve because we have so much to share. Insights, experiences, values, strengths, weaknesses…all of it.
I defriended Facebook. And now I am journaling on my computer as well as doing Project Life. A locally stored, as lengthy as I want it to be, whenever I want to say something, environmentally friendly, all me all the time.
Share however you wish.
When I awoke this a.m., I was dreading the day, b/c it was going to be superbusy! After this I felt good and that I am not the only one out there that feels this way! Thank you for the inspirational words of wisdom.
Hugs!
Tears here too…… Taking a step back……I am ok after all. Thank you Becky
I am so glad you posted this today. It made my day and will make my week much better! I didn’t read this until nearly 8pm but when I woke up this morning I normally dread Mondays and the start of another work week. But today I thought, so what, it’s Monday but I will not look at it with dread but with a positive outlook on a new week, I won’t be annoyed when someone turns in a wrong expense report or cancels a meeting for 100 people that is supposed to take place in 2 weeks, and I won’t beat myself up for having a piece of cake at the office birthday party and then forgetting and having a brownie when I got home, BEFORE dinner.
(I’ll just walk extra tomorrow!). Thanks Becky.
Let me add my thanks to the long list that is already here! I missed the RS meeting Saturday night & have it recorded to watch. But after you and Stacy Julian both posted about this amazing talk by Pres. Uchdorf, I will be making it a higher priority to watch it soon. I appreciate the reminder that we all can be happy with our own lives, we just need to open to it and watch for the joy in everyday.
What an excellent summary of the way too many of us see ourselves and our world. What an excellent push to view the world with a more optimistic viewpoint.
THANK YOU
I read your message with tears in my eyes. I so needed those words. I thank you for the reminder to appreciate instead of comparing, to forgive (myself and others) instead of judging. Thank you for lifting my heart.
[...] of all, if you haven’t read sweet Becky Higgin’s blog post HERE then you must read it and share it with all of the women you know. It rings so true and is a great [...]
Thank you for this important reminder. I try to live by the concept that “it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being happy”. It really takes the pressure off many situations. Your advice is very inspiring. Thanks again for sharing!
Thanks for this post. Things have not even going well lately and of course I blame myself. This post reminds me to take a breath and realize nobody’s perfect. On a side note, I love your ” cultivate a good life” posts on Facebook and was wondering if you plan accumulating them all in one place on your web page? I’d love to make a mini book of them to keep around for inspiration. (That’s what I get for not writing them down when you first started posting them.)
You are a very inspiring person!
Thank you Becky. I have been a work in progress for the past few years and this is what I needed to hear today to get myself back on track. Stacy J. lovingly posted the video links to the speaker you mention and I plan to take the time to sit, listen and absorb the message. We as women need to be reminded of all this regularly. I try to start each day with positive thoughts and actions.
Laying here a mess and then comes along ur page…I thank u for sharing because it saved me…
I watched it too. I have a feeling I should frame a photo of “forget me nots” and frame them on my wall.”
Beautiful Post as always.
Yes his talk was great. I think we do compare ours to others. I now I have/do. Why I have no real idea because I know that I am me and unique in ways as is each one of us. Thanks for the thoughts and reminders.
WOW….comparing our weaknesses to someone else’s strengths. You are so right! I will be sharing this with my 14 year old daughter. Thanks for the pep talk. You are wise beyond your years!
I always read your blog and that was actually my word for the year ….”Cultivate” I love reading your take on it…very inspiring !!! You are wonderful…..
Thank you, Becky! I needed that! It is so true how often we compare our own weaknesses to other people’s strengths, and it gets us nowhere! I am so guilty of that. I’m going to print this out to reread and stay focused!
the talk was really great. thanks for the nice information
So, Becky, what are your weakness. . .you look super-human today!
Thank you
I totally get about comparing yourself to others. God used you to speak to all of us who do this. Thank you.
Thank You Becky – you certainly made me think about this – I have printed off what you said. I think that we all compare ourselves tooo much – I know that I do and I need to stop!!!! Thank you for your wise words.
Libby
(Australia)
xo
[...] Oh, speaking of giveaways … can you believe that the winner of the big, giant box of fun that I brought home from The Creative Connection – did NOT claim her prize?? If anyone knows Tami L. in Trabuco Canyon, California please tell her that these goodies are just waiting for her to give us her address. If I don’t hear from her by Thursday, I’ll choose another winner. Announcement was made here. [...]
[...] Creative Connection? Well, I announced Tami L. in Trabuco Canyon, California as the winner in the very next blog post. But guess what? No word from Tami. I wonder if she missed that announcement? Tami – if [...]
[...] http://www.beckyhiggins.com/blog/2011/09/what-i-want-women-to-know-today/ [...]
[...] What I want women to know from Becky Higgins [...]